My wife, Rosanne, and I have three children, a daughter and two sons and in July of 2009, our youngest – his name is Stephen – was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. We were devastated. A few days after his diagnosis, his three year chemotherapy protocol began. Within a month, his cancer was in remission and he was allowed to come home. As far as leukemia patients go, Stephen had an easy ride. He had no major complications and after the first few months of heavy treatment, he settled into what they call ‘maintenance’. This consisted of some pills to take at home and a monthly trip to the hospital for an IV of a very potent chemo drug called vincristine. You can’t take that one at home, although, his dosage wasn’t enough to cause some of the more severe side effects others suffer with higher doses. He also had a Lumbar Puncture every three months which is an injection directly into the spine.
I remember the medical staff saying to us back then, “We’re going to take your boy from you but don’t worry, we’ll give him back.” It didn’t take us long to realize our own powerlessness. Like you, we help our kids and they think we’re miracle workers or something, but there was nothing we could do except give him to the onocology department – and pray. Pray we did for three years and, as I said, things were relatively smooth until May of 2012. He began to get more lethargic. And then he got sick. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on until it was finally determined that his kidneys had been damaged from the chemotherapy. That summer, he was hospitalized twice and to make a long story short, he had to go through a kidney biopsy and some other tests to properly diagnose him.
On September 12 of 2012, Stephen had his last hospital chemo treatment. His home chemo would last for another three days. It was on this day that we were told two things: that he needed a kidney biopsy and an oncology nurse practitioner and the nurse case manager said his blood count numbers weren’t good. In fact, they were certain that his leukemia had returned and they were going to schedule a bone marrow test. We asked how they would treat a recurrence and they said, “We start all over except this time we go more aggressively.” We asked if his blood numbers could be out of whack because of his kidney problem and they said no. The two were not connected in any way.
This was easily the worst day of our lives. We had a camping trip planned for that weekend and part of it was an end-of-chemo celebration with friends. When we mentioned the trip to these two senior nurses, they told us to go anyway. They didn’t come out and say it, but they might as well have. “Go camping anyway. You don’t know how many more times like this you will have together.” We just wanted to die. Anyway, we decided not to mention any of this to Stephen or anyone else and to just go camping. It would’ve been worse not to go.
One afternoon that weekend our kids were off with their friends and Rosanne and I were sitting outside the camper. I was reading a book…You Can Be Healed by Bob Gass…and I was quite taken by it. It forced me to consider what I really believed. Did I really believe that God could heal people physically as it says in the Bible? I shared some of the insights with Rosanne and said to her, “We need to pray right now.” So we did. We prayed for Stephen’s healing, asking in faith, according to His word, referring to the words of Jesus Himself in Mark 11: 22-26.
After we prayed, we both felt what the Bible calls the peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7). We were not just happy and satisfied, we were both elated. I wasn’t sure if it was some sort of stress-induced emotional high, but we both felt pretty good. We were not in control but had taken God at His word more seriously than we ever had in the past. We were in a very different place spiritually than we had ever been in before.
I've often wondered about Christian healing. Jesus had a 100% track record. He never missed, never had to tell somebody, "Sorry, I guess it's not God's will for you to be healed." There are instances in the Bible where it says that He couldn't do too many works because of the unbelief of the people, but all who asked were healed. The reality of today, however, is many ask in faith but not everyone gets healed. I don't understand this. Maybe the answer for some is, "My grace is sufficient for you." I guess I'll just have to accept that.
It also became clearer to us that when God moves in some aspect of life (a healing or whatever), there is more than one effect, more than one purpose and more than one lesson to be learned. Rosanne and I asked God to heal our son based on the promises of the Bible. (Here are some verses for your reference: Exodus 15:26, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 34:19, Isaiah 57:19, Hosea 6:1 and James 5:15.)
When we prayed the way we did, it became apparent that God was asking the two us, "Do you believe your circumstances as they are, as you see them, or do you believe in Me, the author of all circumstances?" It's easy to talk about this now but it was very difficult at the time. On the one hand, we had the medical opinion of some very well educated and highly trained people. On the other, we had the God we could not see and in trusting Him, we run the risk of looking like fools. God calls us to trust in Him regardless of what we see and this can be gut-wrenching because you have to give up any notion of your own sense of control and common sense. We don't have control over things anyway, but we think we do and act like we do and believe that we do. It's a very powerful myth.
Our problem is we have too small a view of God and we just give up too easily. We just accept the bad things that come to us and choose not to believe that God loves us and will actually help us. We surrender to our circumstances and remain in chains while God would grant us freedom if we were only bold enough to ask for it and receive it. (By the way, it comes with conditions. God wants things of His people. Read Mark 11:22-26. Healing and forgiveness are tied very closely together.)
Choosing to trust God over against our circumstances is an agonizing choice to make. Hebrews 10:31 says, “It’s a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Lord” because once we fall into God's hands, we have to let go of everything else and if He doesn't catch us, we're doomed. But He has promised to catch us. The promises are there and are just as relevant today as they were then. The issue isn't that, the issue is our trust in them. Our hearts fail, not His promises.
And now I’ll finish up the story. For the rest of that weekend, we both struggled to keep our eyes on God, not our circumstances. When we got home from the camping trip that Monday, we asked our pastor to bring some elders to our house to pray over him. When they arrived, I met them outside and told them that we were told the leukemia was probably back but we hadn’t told Stephen yet. They told me how sorry they were and then I brought them in. They prayed over him, anointed him with oil and were gone again in about 10 or 15 minutes.
The next day, Rosanne brought Stephen to the lab for a previously scheduled blood test. They then sent the results to the hospital and somebody from there was to call us with the results. Just before lunch, I phoned home to see if anybody had called and Rosanne said they hadn’t. So, I left work to go home for lunch and on the way I got thinking about the past week. All of a sudden, I felt that inner joy again and I remember thinking, “Why do I feel this way? I may be going home to the worst news of my life and I feel joyful.” It seemed very out of place. When I got home, my wife floated to the front door with a big grin on her face and said, “The hospital just called and his blood counts are normal.” They told her that the bone marrow test would not be necessary and they would see us in five weeks for our regular follow-up appointment. Rosanne told me later that when she hung up the phone all she could do was give God thanks. Now we were having the best day of our lives.
Doubts are never that far away, though. I wondered if he was actually healed or if those nurses just got it wrong. Was he really well the whole time? But then I remembered that these nurses aren’t rookies. They didn’t just graduate from university the previous year. They’ve got years of experience and have seen hundreds of these tests. They know what’s good and what isn’t. Also, I felt something - twice - on the camping weekend and again on the way home from work that day, that joy that was seemingly out of context. I believe and yet, I still don’t fully understand. Some months later, I asked the nurses what was causing the blood count numbers to be wonky and they said it was just because of the kidney problem, the very thing they said it wasn’t.
Jesus calls us to trust Him but it's easier said than done because it requires all that's in us. But it can be done. People do it all the time. This is the other part of God's lesson for our family. This wasn't just about Stephen getting healed. It was about us learning about the father heart of God, learning to trust Him. If it wasn’t for trials, we would never learn to trust Him at all. The first beatitude says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” The New English Bible translates that same verse this way, “How blest are they who know their need of God, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.” (NEB) The key is to know our need of God and to believe that He will act. That’s where the Christian life begins.